...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
