Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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