sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
