I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
