if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
