the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
