We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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