why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
