i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
