You're so nebulous sometimes
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
