hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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