when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
