let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Let's get the cat blown out
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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