Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
