She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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