Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The air was thick with penises
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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