new low.... made out with someone while peeing
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
