Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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