i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
