i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
