He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
