I think I won the penis lottery.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
