you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
