I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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