Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
