i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Dear god my vagina.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
