i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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