Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
