Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
