what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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