It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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