so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So many bounce houses so little time
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
