spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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