Whod you bang
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
