I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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