dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It all started with a game of naked twister.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
