Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
