3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
