it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
