so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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