my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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