i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
