I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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