Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
