All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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