My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
