a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
