I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
