I think i peed on brittanys purse
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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