id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
