Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
