I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
