You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
